What if your blessings come from raindrops?

I had the hardest time today just feeling peace with everything. So much to think about and I was walking around the house thinking "I wish it would rain, I love the smell of rain, that would make my day". Well then tonight I went to a friends blog and she had this beautiful song on there, an absolute tender mercy for me. I cried as I listened to it, what a blessing to have so many friends and family who are so strong and amazing so I can gain strength from you when I am down. You just never know when you will have an impact on someones life. I am so grateful for all of you in my life, I am so blessed and I want it to rain and rain and rain especially after listening to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=related Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops What if your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise

Cancer!!

So I finally heard from the Doctor today and it wasn't what I wanted to hear. It is cancer and it has to come out!! I don't even think I heard a lot of what he said because I was so upset that I kind of lost him after the word cancer. Cancer is a scary thing for me because we have had it so much in our family and I know so many other people who have been forced to fight it. I have a sweet Aunt who is going through it right now, my heart aches for them, and yet they have stayed so strong. This is a tender subject for me and it always will be. Until you have met someone or know someone personally who has or is going through cancer you will never be able to feel the pain of that word. It changes lives, but I feel like it also gives you strength you could not have gotten any other way. I want to be able to be strong, I hope I can. I think I am in for more than I had ever hoped for. I am hopeful that it could still be more simple than it could be and I wont loose that hope until I am told to. I will be having the surgery in Utah, the surgeon there is suppose to be the best for the thyroid. My Doctor down there told me that the key is to have a good surgeon so they can get it all and hopefully it is still contained so I wont have to do the radiation and all the other crazy things they do. If I have to have radiation I will have to be away from my kids for 6 weeks and that kills me so I am praying hard for that not to happen. The radiation levels would be too high in my body because I wont have a thyroid to suck up the radiation so my kids would be too highly exposed to it. I am worried about the thyroid levels and getting them regulated afterwards so I can actually get out of bed in the morning and not be freezing cold all day! But if that's how it has to be then I will take it and learn to deal with it I guess, I don't have a choice. I hate loosing control of my life, I like to have a say in what happens to me and this feels like I am spinning out of control and I don't like it. I guess that is what life does to us, we never really have control we just think we do. I have a huge fear of surgery and blood clots because of what happened after I had Kenna so this is a fear I am going to try hard to deal with and hope that what happened with Kenna won't happen again, I just wish I knew how. Things can always be worse and I know people who are going through worse things right now, and I have learned so much from them, I have gained strength from them that I am going to need. I am waiting to hear from the surgeon to see when they will do this, I am waiting but not very patiently!! What a bad day I have had!!! I am just grateful to have family close so my kids will be taken care of, and I am grateful for family in Utah, that gives me comfort to know that someone I love and am close to will be near by. This will all work out it might just take a while, and my plans I though I had might just have to be put on hold.

The Joy of Motherhood

I never have a lot of time to watch or listen to videos on other people's blogs, but I am glad that I did today. I love this video. Holly had it on her blog, she always has the best things on her blog, thanks Holly. I don't know how to post a video on here but here is the link for you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt_yh7Cupa0 It really is worth watching and listening to, clear until the very end. Since I make my blog into books I wanted to write a down a little that was taught in this video, that I loved. Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times but amid the challenges there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. Do not rush past the fleeting moments. The biggest mistake we make as parents is we do not live in the moment enough. It is clear only when the moment is gone and we have it captured in photographs. Treasure the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less!

Grandma and Grandpa’s 60th Anniversary

My Grandma and Grandpa Fullmer celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary and we got together as a family to celebrate. I have twice as many family members that are in this picture that couldn’t come, and a lot of little people who were also not there, including mine, but this is what we got. We had fun talking and laughing and spending a small amount of time with each other…memories! It was so nice of family to travel so far to spend just a couple hours together for Grandma and Grandpa. My Aunt Mary made them this beautiful book with each of their seven children and pictures of stages in theirs lives, and who they have become, and with the families they have made, it is just priceless.  Happy Anniversary!!

This is my Dad’s whole family…Dad, Kenneth, Bill, Mary, Merrill, Regena, Dale and of course Grandma and Grandpa

This all of us that could be there (Now we don’t normally do our hair all slicked back…the wind did that for us)

Me with Grandma and Grandpa

  The book Mary made

My cousin Brooke and her Dad, my Uncle Merrill. Brooke is expecting a baby in June and she is just absolutely adorable. My Aunt Kendi is fighting a courageous battle of cancer right now and could not be there, we love you Kendi.

My Dad and Aunt Regena (brotherly, sisterly love) My brother Nick and little Jani

My Mom, cute pregnant sister Katie, and Rodger

  My cousin Kody giving Regena a big hug

Kody loves Regena :)

My wonderful parents

Again, my cute pregnant sister Katie and her husband Rodger   Uncle Bill and Grandma…Bill is known for his silly faces he pulls at the camera!

Jani and Jaden

Mary and David, they are so cute togther

My cousins Brooke and Monika

Monika and Chris :)

Uncle Dale and Aunt Betty

Aunt Michelle, and Uncle Kenneth and cousins Keshia and Jordan

I love these people I call family, and it is so fun to get together and catch up on life even though some of us don’t see each other more than once or twice a year!     

If you fall get back up!!

It does not matter how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get back up!

I watched my little boy fall probably fifty times today, he just could not stay on his feet. And I remembered this saying. This is how I feel sometimes, and some days I feel like I have fallen fifty times, like my little boy, but I just keep getting back up and that's all that matters right?? This week started off going fast for me and now it seems as if it has come to a stop!! I am so anxious for Monday to hear from the Doctor, and I am still praying harder than ever that I get good news. I thank all of you for teaching me Patience, Faith and a Positive Attitude, I need those right now.

Taking pictures…

My nephew Jaden is turning 8 so I took some pictures of him for his baptism invitation, isn’t he just handsome, I think so. He is a spitting image of my brother, it’s crazy.

    Since my niece Karlee hasn’t had any pictures taken of her since she was like 3 months old, my sister in law wanted me to try to take a few of her. So I dug out a baby girl bow and some girl things and snapped a couple pictures. Well it was awesome just to get one smiling because this girl does not like anyone but her Mom! So as soon as I took a few pictures she started crying and was done so I was happy to get a couple smiles and so was her Mom. Karlee is now 9 months old! I had to take one of Jaxon and Karlee together and Karlee hated it!!

So I took some of just Jaxon without Karlee

Another Biopsy....Done

I went down to Utah for another biopsy this weekend on these growths in my thyroid. The Doctor I had been seeing here in Idaho got a letter from my Doctor in Utah telling him that they were wrong in their diagnosis of this being cancer. I then got a phone call and he wanted to meet with me, he was very stern with me and said the Doctor in Utah was wrong and it was for sure cancer and needed to come out. I was so upset and very confused so I called my Doctor in Utah and he said lets just throw that biopsy out completely in case there has been a mix up or something. So even though I never wanted to go through another one of those terrible biopsies I did so I can have some answers and know that what I am doing is okay. I mean come on no one wants cancer growing inside of them if they could have had it taken out!! The Doctor did an ultrasound first and the one lump that he is more concerned about had grown and in his words "didn't look good" so he did the biopsy. He told me he was more concerned about how it looked vs how much it had grown. So the biopsy went really well, a lot better than I had planned considering the last one was a neck massacre not a biopsy, in my eyes anyway. He then looked at it under the microscope and said that he got all that he needed and he would send it to the lab and I will hear from him a week from this Monday. So I am now waiting again! I can't believe I went from hearing that it's cancer and needs to come out....to it's not cancer and they made a mistake...and now another biopsy and it doesn't look good. I am so frustrated and scared at the same time. I can't wait until next Monday so I can just move forward with this!! If I have to have it out then lets get moving so I can do the radiation and junk and be able to heal in time for summer!! What a bad weekend, I am not doing good at staying positive this time. I am a good talker about being positive but not good at doing it :) There ya have it, there's my story now I don't have to repeat it a hundred times to everyone who asks, no really I don't mind, this is just easier :)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Well here it is again the annual St. Patrick’s Day pictures!! I don’t put my kids in green very often so it is fun to have one special day for green every year!! I love these sweet kids of mine they are so special to me. I hope everyone had a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day.

  

The things Kenna says!

I hardly ever write down the funny things my kids say and I regret it! So I have a couple funny things from my Kenna girl that I want to remember. This girl is full of energy, she is our ball of fire in this house, and she loves loves loves juice!!

* The other day she came to me and said "Mom do you know what time it is? And she was pointing to her watch on her wrist and I told her what time it was and she said "No, Mom it is time for juice, so please get me some juice right now, and most people would say thank you!" I looked at her like really girl you are something else.

* There was one day that she was jumping up and down up and down for about an hour straight and it was driving me crazy! I just kept thinking she had tons of energy or something, but I finally told her to stop. And she she said "But Mom then I wont be able to hear the juice in my belly if I stop jumping." So she came up by me and jumped up and down and sure enough her belly was so full of juice you could hear it, it sounded like she was shaking a whole jug of juice!

Kenna is a juice monster and definitely gets her vitamin C for the day. I started juicing fresh fruit and she loves the juice from that, you could say she is a juice addict!!

She makes me laugh every day!! Love you Kenna Bug!

Inch by Inch!

Yard by yard life's hard but inch by inch life's a cinch!

I found this cool saying today and I love it so much! I have always thought that it was just too scary for me to look too far ahead in my life, but I can look at today and maybe even tomorrow and I will be okay. I think this saying is so true and I don't want to forget it. It's hard not to get discouraged about what the future might hold, a little bit of Faith and living life day by day will get you there. I love it!!

I was looking at some old pictures the other day and I found this one and I wanted to cry...my little girls are growing up way too fast. That is another reason why I can't look to far ahead because my kids grow up before my eyes and it is sad.

Goodbye Winter!

This was the view from my back door on Sunday and I loved it! The weather was beautiful this weekend and I am so excited to say goodbye to winter and hello to spring. And I am not the only one who is excited, so are all these little people. They love to get out and play and I am glad they finally got to.

Roller skating for the first time!

Maddy got invited to a birthday party and they went roller skating. I have never taken my kids roller skating so this was a first for Maddy and it wont be a last, she loved it!! She had so much fun, she has talked and talked about how fun it was. I was so glad she got to go, it is fun for the kids to have fun with their friends once in a while. Maddy has some really good friends and I love that, it is important to me that she makes friends with nice girls. I will be taking her skating again soon, it looked so fun and I haven’t been skating since I was eleven or something like that :)

  Maddy with her friend Brynly, they were both at the birthday party and they sure had a lot of fun together.    

Dance Competition at Bonneville High School

Maddy and Kynzee had their first dance competition on Saturday and they did excellent!! They got what they call “High Gold” which is one down from the highest. They were so excited to get a trophy!! All that hard work has paid off they really did look great, I was so nervous for them but I don’t think they were nervous at all. I love watching them dance, it was a really fun day!

              My sister in law Janell giving them the talk before they go out. Janell is so good and very patient with the girls. I am just shocked when I see some of the other dance instructors and how strict they are with their dancers, I just couldn’t handle that, I want them to dance to have fun and my girls sure have fun!!