How do you prepare yourself when you are told someone is going to die and within a couple months? How do you make yourself remember that you will see them again? How do you tell your children who have grown to love that person so much? How do you focus on the good things that person has taught you and not be sad that they will be leaving? How do you shut the tears off? How do you remind yourself that the Lord has a plan? How do you try to stay strong for your Mom who's heart is broken and your Grandma who's heart is also broken and who's life will change? How do you go on with life knowing this and not letting it consume you everyday? How do you explain dying to your children when you don't understand it yourself? How do you remember that life doesn't end in this world?
I wish I had the answers and the many more that I need at this time! I am so sad and the lump I keep in my throat blocks the tears (I swear by it). I need to just let it go and relax and know the Lord will take care of us all but it is so hard for me. I told you before about my dear Grandpa and how he has lung cancer...well we were told he only has a month or so to live. The emotions are overwhelming, it is so hard because it is out of our control there is nothing we can do. I hate it when I have no control over situations, I always want to be able to fix it somehow and this one is not fixable. I have to put it in the Lord's hands. I hate to see my Mom so sad and there is nothing I can say or do to make the pain go away for her, for her siblings, or for my Grandma. My Grandpa is so strong and he has taught me how to be brave. We have been so blessed in our family, the Lord has given us extra time with my Grandpa because he was told five years ago that he was dying of cirrhosis of the liver. We were able to spend five more wonderful, happy years with him. My children got to know the wonderful grandpa that I have had growing up. My kids have loved him and thought he was so funny at times. We have so many good memories together I will hold tight to those and be thankful that I had a wonderful Grandpa in my life. Life will change for us, but my hopes are that we will all change for the better and that we hold tight to the ones we love. This earth life is really so short and we need to show and tell our family and friends how much we love them and how much we need them in our lives. I love family, I love that the Lord knew we would need each other and couldn't do it without them. Each one of my family members have a special place in my heart and have taught me and loved me. I am thankful for the atonement, what a gift to us, I will see my Grandpa again I know I will. I am so lucky that I have been taught the way I have so that I have the comfort in knowing I will see him again someday. I know my Grandpa is probably needed for something better and I have no doubt that he will watch over me and comfort me in my life, I am sure he will take my little ones that are waiting to come down, and he will put them on his lap and love them, like he has done to me and my little ones here. I love you Grandpa, and I know you will be waiting for all of us!
8 comments:
Ok Nan!!!! I have tried so hard not the cry today. This is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I have learned so much from this man and he has been so good to me. It is hard. I cry for Grandma. I wish she lived closer to us. Thanks for your comment. You are my angel. I love you and I, to, am so GRATEFUL for family.
That was beautiful. I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Write down your memories, the funny things he has said or done, and the wonderful lessons he has taught you. Keep them for your girls.
Tell them about him all the time.
But how wonderful that they have known him, and loved him.
Can I just say that you are amazing. You are such an example to me. I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa, but agree with Calise, treasure the time that you have spent with him.
I have missed the last few posts, but I was so glad to catch up. I don't know how you do it, but its like you wrote, Heavenly Father has a way of lessoning the load when it gets too hard. Thank you for being so strong, it is truly a trait that I hope to gain in this lifetime.
Oh Natalie. That must be the hardest thing to ever to deal with!
I was thinking some of the same things as Calise. How blessed you are to be able to have some time to write a letter to your Grandpa letting him know all the wonderful things you love about him and what a legacy he will be leaving his children, grandchildren and generations to come! I know that I would want to know what impression(s) I would be leaving my posterity.
Tell him of your testimony. Tell him how you feel about the Gospel plan....about families being together forever. About how you will miss him, as much as you love him. Let him know that you expect a WONDERFUL reunion with him again someday.
Then maybe your Grandma will also benefit from a letter too. Tell her that you will be there for her. That she won't be completely alone. That she will be able to count on someone to talk to in her darkest hours after her dear sweet companion is gone....but gone just for awhile.
I wish now that I had had that opportunity with my grandparents. I was too young to think about that with my grandma....who had some warning about leaving this life. My grandpa, however I had no warning. Neither did he.
I wish I lived closer. I would be there in a heart beat to give you and your family (Judy too) the biggest hug ever!
Grandpa's are the best. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can make some more wonderful memories in the time you have.
It is really hard to let people go especially when we know we will miss them so much. It is so comforting to have the gospel in our lives and to remember the bigger picture and know that death is not the end but really a beautiful beginning to forever.
that was a beautiful post, natalie. I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through a similar thing in highschool when my grandfather passed away from emphezema...it was a long time coming but it's still so hard to except. You are in our prayers.
Nat- Keep your chin up. During these last days try to remember all the accomplishments he has made, try to remember all the millions of ways he has touched each and every persons life that he as come in contact with. This is not the end but the beginning of another life lesson. A lesson to teach your little ones about how just one person can make such a huge difference. How to be that special someone that will never be forgotten, but always remembered. Make the most of each and everyday you have with your grandpa. He will love you just for being there for and with him. Most of all make sure he knows that your Grandma will never ever be alone, she will always have family by her side. I remember that was what scared my Grandpa the most before he passed. He needed that extra reassurance that his one true love, his life long friends and partner would never ever be left alone. Know that you also are never alone Nat. You have a wonderful family and lots of friends to lend a hand, or just an ear.
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