These are the good days

I am feeling so grateful today for these special little people in my life! I love them so much they are everything to me. They bring me so many smiles and hugs and kisses, life couldn't get any better than this. I wanted to get some cute Valentines Day pictures and boy I am definitely no photographer that is for sure and Kenna....well she is just a little stinker sometimes when it comes time to taking pictures. But what can I say Kenna will be Kenna and that's all there is to it! But I am glad that I at least attempted it and got some pretty cute ones. And do you notice Maddy has a huge hole in her top teeth? Yep we lost another tooth and it's a front top one so she is looking a little different these days. This was a really big deal for Miss Maddy and tooth fairy even brought her a little extra since it was such a big tooth! These are the fun days and I am enjoying every one of them!

I have SOME answers!

I don't know how for sure these answers are because it seems like the Dr. tells me one thing and then it turns out to be something else later on. But this should be pretty for sure because I don't know how they could mix up a test result like this one. From the test that I had done last week they are for sure that the gall bladder is only functioning 2 % which could be a lot of the pain that I am having but because of the other problem they will not take the gall bladder out until they know for sure that the other problem is going to be okay. The other half of the problem is the liver. In the liver there are a bunch of vessels and mine are all very narrow for some reason. The blood is having a hard time flowing through my liver and they think it is spasing out and causing me all this pain. The fluid in my belly is from the liver not functioning properly. They don't know why the vessels are so narrow but something is going on with the liver that shouldn't be. For those of you who don't know I had a baby c-section almost two years ago and my liver went into liver failure from a pain medication I was given. Since then my liver has been complicating everything. So now maybe these are some answers as to why my liver acted the way it did with the pain medication. So I am waiting to hear from the Liver Specialist in Salt lake because my Dr. is sending my information about the vessels to him. I am very frustrated and feeling like there isn't going to be an end to all this. I thought the whole stone idea they had was an easy fix but now it is just getting more complicated and I am a more SIMPLE, and I mean VERY SIMPLE kind of girl!!!!! I have always wanted life to be just plain and simple it's easier that way, but for some reason the Lord has had other things in store for me that are just harder. I wish I could learn my lesson and learn it fast so this would all go away. I am trying to hope for the best. I will let you all know if I hear or know anything about the plan. Thank you for your concern, I appreciate all of you so much.

What is happening to me?

I have had a lot of people wondering what is going on with me, so I decided I would update you on what I know. The problem is I don't have all the answers and I have been waiting to update you until I know everything, but at this point I am not sure I will ever know everything. :) This is what I have been told so far:

My liver function test, which is the liver blood test I have taken often is too high. My liver is not functioning normal and they don't know why. My liver went into liver failure when I had Kenna and it got better but now it is back to going bad again. This is still the problem the Doctors are trying to figure out and fast.

The cysts that I had are gone now and they were not the cause of my huge belly. The liver is making the belly big by the fluid it is putting out!

I am in a lot of pain in my whole abdomen but especially the right side. I have not noticed anything that trigors the pain and makes it worse or better. I do know that Ib profen, hot baths and heating pads are becoming good friends of mine.

I met with a liver specialist last week and he told me that the ducts to the pancreas, liver and gall bladder were blocked with stones and this was backing up the liver causing it to produce acid and toxins that were damaging the liver. They wanted to do surgery right then and remove the stones and remove my gall bladder because they said it was dead from not getting any blood supply, so they sent me to a surgeon.

The surgeon said that he wanted one more test to prove that the stones were there because he doesn't want to do surgery if he doesn't have too. He says I am high risk for surgery because I have scar tissue really bad, I make blood clots in places they shouldn't be, and my liver isn't functioning right. So he is a little concerned about operating on me. So I did what he asked and I had another test done today (I think I have done every test that I can possibly do now) I do not have the results yet the Dr. should call me tomorrow. I should have more answers then.

The Doctors told me that one of my test showed that I was full of stones that was blocking everything off, well...then the Surgeon told me they are wrong and the tests I had could not have shown that. So now I am back at square one again, I sure hope this test I had today gives them and me some answers and very soon I am not being very patient anymore.

If there aren't any stones like they said there was, then it is my liver that has problems and I am in big trouble. I hope and pray that it isn't my liver and this pain will go away very soon. I am hanging on tight and hoping for the best. I know it will work out for the best it just might not be what I want. I will keep you updated. Life is so fragile and I want to hang on to it for a lot longer, so I am trying really hard. Thank you for your love and support I have such good friends and family. I love you all.

Grandpa and Grandma Pasley

This picture is a treasure to me

This is going to be so hard for me to talk about, but I really need to write it down so I won't forget my feelings about it.

This is my Grandpa and Grandma Pasley and the girls. I have always been so close to my grandparents and I just love them so much. They live in Palisades and my girls call them the Grandma and Grandpa in the mountains :) I remember as a little girl going to visit them and Grandma would always cook the most fabulous meals, she really is a wonderful cook. Grandpa would be sitting in his chair and say either "Hi Nan" or "Hi Susie Q" when I walked into the room. I could tell many stories about my Grandparents because I have them in my heart like they were yesterday. I love to talk to my Grandma on the phone and I usually call her and talk often and usually for long periods of time. Sometimes when I call my Grandpa will answer the phone and the first thing he always says is "Hi Suzy Q how are ya?" My Grandparents have taught me so much about everything in life, I just love to talk to them and they are always so loving and concerned about me. I never dreamed as a child that there would be a day that Grandma and Grandpa wouldn't be there, I thought I would have them forever. As I grew older I realized I was one of the lucky ones, because there were lots of kids my age who didn't even have one Grandparent alive, some of them never got to know their Grandparents. I even had Great Grandparents alive! I have been so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life for so long. I have loved both sets of my Grandparents and they have each touched my life in so many ways. I have memories and my children have memories with them that will last forever. We just found out that my Grandpa has lung cancer. What a horrible thing to even say or hear, I just hate it!!! I have been so torn up by this, words cannot even express my feelings. I feel like I am loosing a huge part of my life and it hurts so bad. I am so emotional over this and I need to somehow find the strength to handle it. This is such a huge trial for my family and I hope and pray that we will be comforted in knowing that if we live our lives worthy we will be with our families again someday. I don't know how I could ever get through life if I didn't believe in eternal families.

I have thought a lot about death lately and I have always been so afraid of dying. The other day I had the thought come to me that I shouldn't be so afraid of it, they say earth life is but a second compared to Heaven. That means that when we die we will see our families again really soon it won't be long, it's just long for those left on earth. I have a hard time thinking about leaving my kids and my family behind if I were to die, I would miss them so much, but if earth life is so short to those in Heaven then all I have to do is hope my family would live righteously so I could see them again someday really soon. This has got me thinking so much about my kids and the things I have taught them and the things I still need to teach them. There is so much for me to do and I want to make sure I do it perfect. I want my kids to have a very firm foundation of the gospel in their lives and know that the church is true and that we have a loving Heavenly Father, I want this so that if something were to happen to me early on, my kids would remember what I taught them and they would live their life the way I taught them to live so I could be with them again someday. This is huge to me and I will find so much comfort if I continue to teach them the way my parents taught me, and instill it in their minds so strong that hopefully it will always be there and they will remember how important it was to me, and how much I loved them and wanted to be with them forever.

Bear Lake Fun!!!!!

We got away for a weekend and went to Bear Lake with Josh's family. We stayed in a fun little cabin and just had a very nice relaxing weekend. The kids had a blast riding snow machines, and really just played hard all weekend. We went to church on Sunday and the kids weren't too sure about going to a different primary but they fit in great and had fun. I am so glad that I decided to go and make memories with Josh's family, it was worth all the hours of packing and unpacking. We are going again for Valentines Day and I can't wait. We had a wonderful weekend!!

This is a picture taken before we went to church, outside the cabin we stayed in. Can you tell it is freezing outside by the girls faces? :)

Maddy, Mommy, and Kenna going for a nice easy ride

Maddy pulling Mommy and Kenna on the sled

Kenna, Daddy, and Kynzee going out to the field to play

Grandma, Kynzee, Aunt Jaimee, Maddy, Uncle Travis, Uncle Justin, and Kenna playing games

Uncle Travis and Aunt Jaimee letting Kenna snuggle in their blanket

Uncle Justin, Kenna, Kynzee, cousin Luke, and Maddy

Kenna having fun on this basketball, she thought it made a nice chair

cousin Luke, Kynzee, Maddy. Mommy, and Kenna on snow machines, we stopped to make sure we didn't loose any of the little ones!

Kynzee with cousin Luke

Uncle Justin, Kenna, cousin Luke, Kynzee, and Maddy (these kids all had so much fun together)

Maddy with her buddy Uncle Justin

Maddy taking a break, she played really hard

Maddy, Kynzee, Luke, and Justin

This is Uncle Justin getting attacked by his nieces and nephew! Isn't he lucky he is such a young Uncle :)

This is what Luke called his biggest smile!!! Isn't he hilarious, I love it :)