Happy 4th Birthday Kenna

I feel like I am really behind on my blog, Kenna’s birthday was April 14th and I am just doing her birthday post. I guess better late than never right :) I would love to be four again, really there were no cares in the world..so much fun! This sweet girl of ours is a doll, the most sincere, sweet little girl you will meet. She cares so much about everyone and she always has to make sure everyone is okay and happy. Kenna adds so much happiness in our lives, she is so very loved. I cannot believe she is four it is just crazy to me that she has grown up so fast. Kenna wanted to have a strawberry shortcake birthday party so that is what we had! She was so excited all day to have her cousins come over and celebrate with her, I think she thought her party was never going to come. She was so happy with all her fun birthday presents, and she had a blast playing with her cousins. I was so happy I was not in Utah having surgery on Kenna’s birthday, because at one time that was an idea and I just did not want to do that, I wanted to be home celebrating Kenna’s special day with her and that is just what I got to do. I love you sweet Kenna bug, you are a joy in my life!

Welcome Home Mommy!

I am home, it feels so good to be home. What an adventure that was and still is for me. I will start at the beginning with dropping my kids off at my parent’s house Sunday..wow now that was hard. I don’t understand how people leave their kids for a week to go on a cruise, don’t sign me up for that I would not think that was fun at all. My little boy kept looking at me like where are you going Mommy, it was horrible. So the goodbye was hard and the drive to Utah was hard, I cried all the way there, Josh didn’t know what to do with me. So we get to My Aunt Judy’s house and they were so sweet to us and they put me in a better mood. My Uncle Jerry had this same surgery years ago so he was giving me all kinds of stories and actually was pretty funny to listen to. I was so grateful for them to let us stay with them before and after surgery, Judy took good care of me. We had a nice talk with them Sunday night and then Jerry gave me a wonderful priesthood blessing about having peace and a speedy recovery. It was just what I needed and it helped me feel so much better. I had a few blessings before along my journey through this and another one just helped that much more. So we went to bed and there was no sleep for me, I was so nervous that I only got maybe an hour or 45 minutes of sleep. I woke up and got ready and we were out the door at 5:30 a.m. My Aunt Judy rode with us and it was so nice to have her there, she was always helping me to see the bright side of everything. So Josh and Judy were sitting in the room where they were getting me ready for surgery and the anesthesiologist came in to start the IV and they were explaining everything to me about how I would not be breathing and they would breath for me….O my gosh I was done at this point!! I looked at Josh and Judy and I wanted out of there so they told them to give me something now to put me to sleep, well they must have pushed something in that IV right then because I don’t remember even saying goodbye to them. So that picture Judy took on the last post…um ya I was out of it and I don’t remember asking her to take that :) But thanks Judy, I needed a picture of that awful day, you can’t just have pictures of your best days right? The next thing I remember was them putting a mask on my face telling me to breath it that I needed to go to sleep and I kept pushing it away and told them no that I didn’t want to go to sleep, it was a fight to put me to sleep, going to sleep was what I was most afraid of. Then 3 hours later I was done! I couldn’t believe it took 3 hours that worried me. But the Doctor said he got everything that he could. He had to leave a little piece that was stuck to the voice box because he got as close to it as he could without damaging the box. He didn’t have to take the lymph nodes in my neck, he took a couple that just came out with the thyroid and one para thyroid came out with it as well. He put the para thyroid back in and attached it to a muscle but it messed up my calcium levels. So after surgery I struggled with the pain and the calcium levels but other than that it went pretty good. They thought the calcium levels had been coming back up but after we got home we got a call from the Doctor’s office saying they actually were going down and they should not have discharged me. This worried me today because my neck keeps tightening up on me and feels like it is strangling me and that is a sign of the calcium being too low. So for now I am on a lot of calcium and vitamin D and thyroid to try and regulate this….it will be a journey! I am way off balance in just about every body function and it is frustrating to feel so horrible, so I am hoping it gets better. I have an appointment back down in Utah on Tuesday, they will tell us the pathology results. If there was any cancer on the back side of the thyroid where the voice box was, where they had to leave that little piece I will have to have radiation, otherwise he was pretty sure it was all contained and he got everything! I can’t wait to hear what the next step is, it is driving me crazy. My kids were all very happy to see me and I was happy to see them. Jaxon was not happy at first and it made me feel terrible but he warmed up to me after a while. My house was all decorated cute by my sister in law Mindy and her kids, that was so nice of them it made my day. I have so many friends and family members who have been so good to me, I am so blessed! My incision is so small compared to how big the Doctor’s here in Idaho make them so I was really grateful for that. I am happy to have it over with and I hope that every day will get better. It is frustrating to not be able to take care of my house or my kids like I always do, but I am doing what I can.  Josh is home with us taking care of the kids right now so that is nice. I wont be able to lift Jaxon for two weeks…..frustrating, but we will work it out and hopefully it goes by quickly.

Natalie Update

This is Aunt Judy. I am setting at Huntsman Cancer Center with Josh. We just received word from the doctor that the surgery went well. She did fine on the anesthetic. The tumors were contained. They did not have to take any lymph nodes. She is in recovery. They will send the tissue to pathology, but he felt it looked good and that she may not have to have radiation. Let's pray this is what happens. She was so scared. But her spirits were up. I knew when she asked me to take her picture before she went in that she was doing ok.

It was a long wait, so Josh kept himself busy with his Rubik's cube.

Natalie's nurse just talked to Josh and said she is doing well and they are getting her pain under control, then they will take her to her room. They say if all goes well she will get out of the hospital tomorrow. They may want them to stay in Salt Lake for one night, then they can go home.....that will make her one happy girl.

I know that Josh, Natalie and her parents and siblings appreciate all the love, support and prayers they have received.

Natalie is my hero. She is strong, loving and such an example to all of us. She is a friend to everyone and has a big heart. She has a special place in my heart. [just sayin]

We will keep you posted!

Goodbye for now

The dreaded day has come!! The bags are packed and it is time for me to say goodbye to my little ones for a little while. I cannot even tell you how bad I hate this, today I am mad and sad that I have to do this :( I love my kids so much and it is just not like me to leave them, I never leave them, I love to be with them. I am sad for my little boy who will not understand where I went or that I will be back, I know he will be looking and asking for me. My girls have been explained everything and they are being really good about it, which helps me out a ton. Josh will be taking me down and he will stay with me until we come home. My parents will have all of the kids at their house, I am so lucky to have them to take care of my kids for me. My sister was going to take them and then she got put on bed rest :( The kids love Grandma and Grandpa so I know they will have a good time and they will be well taken care of. I go in for surgery at 6:00 tomorrow morning and they will do the surgery at 7:30, from there I have no idea. Everything depends on what the Doctor sees and what he thinks is best. There are so many things up in the air that I am worried about and I hope when it is all over with those things were not even worth worrying about! I know this is asking a lot but there is still a tiny percent chance that this could not be cancer at all, that is what I am praying for the most. I know the odds are against me with it being in the family but hey it's worth praying for. I am going to miss my kids so much, that will be the hardest part for me! I hope when I come back that my body will absorb the thyroid medication like it is suppose to and that I will have the energy I need to take care of my kids. Are these too big of things to ask for?? Goodbye for now and when I get back I will post about Kenna's fun birthday party :) O yes and My Aunt Judy will be updating my blog and my facebook for me during my fun stay at Huntsman's Hospital!! My Faith is strong and my hopes are high :) I have done really hard things and I can do this really hard thing too!!!!

Rainbows in my life

I had to go back down to Utah yesterday, I met with the surgeon, very nice Doctor for sure. It was hard for me to only visit with him for a few minutes and then feel like I could trust him with my life. I guess that’s where my faith is suppose to come in, that’s hard for me. First I want to show you my riding buddy…

He was a trooper for riding there and back in one day! We took his pants off and he kicked back and watched movies and sucked on his toes! What a happy boy. My girls went to Nick and Janell’s for the day and I was so grateful to them for helping me out.

 

After a long day and a lot of information for me to process we were driving home and I saw this beautiful rainbow out my window. At that moment I hurried and grabbed my camera and took a couple pictures. It was a full rainbow but I could not get it all at once, so here it is in two pictures. It was beautiful, my girls would have loved it too! I thought about the rainbows in my life right then….I have so many I couldn’t even list them all. I know this trial seems too much for me right now in my life, but I know I can do it. If I can just remember all the rainbows I have I will see the good and not the bad. After talking to the Doctor yesterday it was hard for me not to see the bad, it was hard for me to not be discouraged and just sit and cry, but for me to see this rainbow was a confirmation that I am being watched over, and Heavenly Father is very mindful of me and has something good in store for me and that’s why he gave me another mountain to climb! It was just gorgeous, my picture doesn’t do justice for what I saw, and maybe it was because of what I saw in the rainbow that made it so beautiful, but it was! I wont forget it, what a journey this is for me.

 

Jaxon and Uncle Jerry

My nephew Jaden got baptized this last weekend, it was such a special day. My little Jaxon did not want to sit still at all. I am so lucky that this little guy loves everyone…and I mean everyone! My relatives were all helping me with him and Jaxon was just as happy as could be to be in someone’s arms. This is Jaxon and my Mom’s brother Jerry, he loves Jerry. I am so grateful for family right now in my life. I have always been grateful for family but right now it hits my heart a little closer.

The buggy car

My kids have all loved this buggy car!! Jaxon discovered it the other day and he loves it now too! We aren’t too sure about him sitting in a pink and purple car but it will have to do for now. The kids and Josh push him around in it and he giggles and laughs and thinks it is just wonderful!!!

 

Snuggle Bug

I love this snuggle bug! He is so snugly, and he loves his binky and his blanky! I am sure going to miss his snuggles next week.

Fun Fun for the kids!

I needed something fun for my kids to do during conference so they would listen to conference and stay quiet at the same time. So my friend introduced me to these wonderful things!! I never knew these even existed, but they are wonderful! I got to listen to the whole thing because my kids had their little noses in these little crafty things. My kids sat there for hours and built all kinds of fun things and then I ironed them together for them. This was the best idea ever, and I will use it again because my kids loved it!

  

Things on my mind!

Frances Webster from the Willy Martin Handcart Company said this, my Mom read it to me and I have had it with me ever since. This is amazing and has greatly impacted me right now in my life. My trials are so small and yet I always learn so much.

“We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Every one of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with Him in our extremities!”
"I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up for I cannot pull the load through it. I have gone to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me! I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the Angels of God were there. "Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No! Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company."

How many trials or how big of a trial would you go through to become acquainted with God?  My trials in life have been so small compared to what others I know have been through. I have just beat myself up wondering why another one? At times I have wondered what am I doing wrong? How many times do I have to learn my lesson? Does the Lord give us trials to punish us for things we do wrong? I was talking to my Aunt, my Mom’s sister today and she said that I was wrong in thinking any of these things. She has had many trials in her life and she said that during trials we become so close to Heavenly father, closer than any other time in our life. We should feel it a privilege to be given a trial to become that much closer to our Father in Heaven. I could re late to her in how I feel when I have just given life to one of my children. When I am in that operating room waiting to have a c-section I feel the presence of Angels, I know they are near. I feel like having a baby and staying alive at the same time have been a trial for me, and I know I have been very close to my Heavenly Father during those times. Maybe that’s why I love having babies so much, not because of what I go through but because of the feeling I get and the closeness I feel to the other side. That feeling is worth every step in having a baby. And I want to feel that same way about this trial I am faced with. I am going into this with a feeling  of being privileged. Heavenly Father somehow wants me to come out of this stronger and better and I will. If not for myself but for someone else out there that may need it. I want to look back on it as did Frances Webster from the handcart company and I hope I can say what he did about being privileged to becoming more acquainted with God. I can re late to Frances on a very small scale, when he said he would see the patch of sand and he was going to go no further, I have felt that, I have also said that… just in another way, and I have felt the push from Angels to keep me going. I know I will always have that push to keep me going, we all can as long as we ask for them.

Easter Pictures

I had Easter pictures taken a couple weeks ago, I was thinking it was early to have them done, but Caralee was doing Easter Mini Sessions and I decided to just do it and get them done. Well now with all this other stuff going on in my life I am glad I did it. I always have pictures taken for Easter, I love the kids in their Easter clothes, the spring colors really get me excited for summer right around the corner. I need something good to look forward to and summer is that good thing for me and my family right now :)

 

For those of you who haven’t already heard I am having surgery on April 18th. I will go down to see the surgeon on the 12th and do some pre op tests and blood work and then I will go back the next Monday for the big day! Words cannot even describe how scared I am when I stop and think about it, but I have been truly watched over this week and I know my Heavenly Father is keeping my mind busy so that I wont think about it. It is an instant switch off as soon as I start to think about it, and I know that is being controlled by someone other than me :) I got to listen to conference today and I was overcome with comfort, so much to be thankful for.

Jaxon did not like having his pictures taken, in fact he never really has. Even when he was two weeks old and my friend took some pictures of him he just wanted to cry…and then again when he was 3 months old… well that hasn’t changed. He is the happiest boy until you pull out the camera on picture day :) But I still love him anyway!